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Joke of the Day

"Saw a monarch butterfly today, what made it special is that it was the first time it wasn't stamped on top of a strippers ass."

"A math joke told to me by another redditor... So... What did the integral say to the equation? ""I don't even..."""

"Good news, The doctor says I'm health as a horse. Bad news, she keeps using large farm animals to describe me."

"During the Oscars ""In Memoriam"" my dad pointed out a lot of Jewish people had died, I told him it isn't surprising, they do tend to die all at once like that."

"Me: how old is your daughter? Person: she's 31 months Me: ok but like how old in minutes?"

"What's the difference between a cowardly sex offender and your job? Your job will always suck"

"What do cutters and heroin addicts have in common? Long sleeves."

"What is black and white and red all over? A Dalmatian with a bad sunburn."

"Why did the sperm cross the road? Because the neckbeard put on the wrong pair of socks this morning."

"I decided to live at the gym, it was free! Because of squatter's rights."