140371

Joke of the Day

"When I make you breakfast in bed, the least you can say is thank you. I mean what's with all this ""how did you get in my house"" nonsense?"

"If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title."

"""What's the difference between sin and shame?"" ""It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out."""

"Apparently it's 'inappropriate' to show up at your therapist's home to swim in her new pool even though your 'boundary issues' paid for it."

"Hans Zimmer was inspired by one composer in particular when writing the Inception soundtrack... Brahms"

"We're all different. For example, some folks get up early to exercise... And others get up early to eat cookies before the kids wake up."

"Nowhere is it more evident That the middle finger IS a suitable mode of communication Than when driving to work"

"Why is Halloween a hillbilly's favorite holiday? Because they like to pumpkin. I'll see myself out..."

"No I in team Word of advice; if anyone ever gives you the ""There is no I in team!"" speach, you look him dead in the eye and say ""true, but there is a 'U' in dumb."""

"You know your old when you come close to shaving your nipple off while trying to shave your legs!"