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Joke of the Day

"Cop: Do you know how fast you were going, ma'am? Me: Do these jeans make me look fat? Cop: You're free to go."

"If human civilization had a narrator it would just be some guy repeating ""Little did they know..."" over and over and over."

"What did the dog say to the man? Nothing stupid, dogs don't talk."

"After I ask a stranger if I can pet their dog and they say yes, I like to respond, ""I'll keep that in mind"" and walk off"

"When I push a door that clearly says pull, it serves as a harsh reminder that I'd make a terrible midwife."

"The new football stadium can hold more than 66,000 fans... Sounds pretty cold and windy to me."

"Spoil any movie by telling ur friend ""Ice Cube dies"" before they watch it. They'll be waiting for Ice Cube to appear and die the whole time"

"The reason the Japanese kill so many whales is because they remind them of Americans"

"The England team won't be voting in the referendum They can never find the box let alone put a cross in it."

"My girlfriend said she was in such a foul mood. So I took her to KFC"