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Joke of the Day

"When I push a door that clearly says pull, it serves as a harsh reminder that I'd make a terrible midwife."

"[Girl from Willy Wonka turns into a blueberry] Wonka: Call in The Blue Man Group! [Blue Man Group rolls her out while singing Eiffle 65]"

"I got a Rolex for his birthday from the lesbians next door. I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch."

"What is meant by 'a pull factor'? A big red sports car."

"I just got kicked out of my local Laser Tag and the police were called. Apparently stabbing somebody to save ammo is not allowed."

"I Got a Haircut Recently It wasn't what I wanted but it grew on me."

"My wife asked me what new hairstyle she should get, so I held my breath until I passed out."

"Ruffled feathers ahead. What do you call a woman that is never late, can actually drive a car and doesn't need help killing spiders? Bruce Jenner."

"Dog: I'm a man's best friend, he even named one of his teeth after me. Pussycat: Yeah, you're not gonna win this one."

"How does Darth Vader like his milk? *Luke* warm"