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Joke of the Day

"The England team won't be voting in the referendum They can never find the box let alone put a cross in it."

"Don't assume I have a bad memory if I don't remember what you tell me. More than likely its becasue I don't like you enough to pay attention"

"What is the difference between a straight man's mustache and a gay man's mustache? The smell."

"How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? TWO....but it's really hard to get them in there"

"Q: Do you know why the new football stadium they built in Warsaw could not be used? A: No matter where you sat you were behind a Pole."

"I got my foot in the door, my head in the game, and my ass in gear. I'm one motivational tape away from a hospital admission."

"Hillary and Bernie are on a boat Hillary and Bernie Sanders are on a boat. It's sinking. Who survives? America survives"

"What's the difference between Donald Trump and a thief? Nothing."

"What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint."

"Have you heard of the, great, ancient Greek philosopher Mediocrates? His primary philosophical viewpoint is ""eeeeehhh"""