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Joke of the Day

"I couldn't be on a reality show because I wouldn't want my mom to see how many times I make the jerk-off motion when we talk on the phone."

"Grapes What did the green grape say to the purple grape? ""Breath, stupid!"""

"If you use a wrong word in a tweet and a grammar nazi loses his shit- Try these consoling words : ""Their, there, they're. It'll be okay"""

"did you know that protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic!"

"Teacher: What is the value of Pi? Student: Depending on what pie. Usually is $12.99"

"Blows you, kisses See proper punctuation is important"

"A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m. ...and his wife is livid. ""You SWORE that you'd be home by 11:45!"" ""No,"" slurs the mathematician... ""I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12."""

"God: done? Noah: yea G: whats this Noah proudly: a swing set G: u built a park. I asked for an ark N: a what? G: a boat N: say boat then"

"Why did God invent yeast infections? [NSFW] So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt."

"I run sentences together on purpose so you don't get a chance to pause and change your mind about reading whatever it is I'm not saying."