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Joke of the Day

"A policeman just knocked on my door and said my dogs were chasing people on bikes... My dogs don't even own bikes.."

"Touched by Jesus Great words to hear in church, not so great to hear in a Mexican prison."

"I had to pee really bad at the swimming pool yesterday, so I tried to sneak it in at the deep end... But the lifeguard blew his whistle so loud I nearly fell in."

"Saw a vanity license plate that said ""ILUVLUV."" I hope she luvs getting 4 new tires and a windshield."

"Two peanuts walk into a really rough bar Unfortunately, one was a salted"

"What gets harder as you beat it? A penis."

"WIFE: Don't be scared of him. Tell your boss you quit. ME: Ok, I will. [later that day] ME: I quit BOSS: WHAT?? ME: I said, nice squid"

"When I'm on my death bed, I want my last words to be....""I left the diamonds on an Island, look for clues on my Face Book!....."", just to get them to read all the jokes I've posted."

"Agoraphobia I didn't go to my Agoraphobics Anonymous meeting today, obviously."

"What's the difference between your bonus, and your penis ? Your wife will always blow your bonus!"