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Joke of the Day

"I had to pee really bad at the swimming pool yesterday, so I tried to sneak it in at the deep end... But the lifeguard blew his whistle so loud I nearly fell in."

"I heard it took at least two elephants to make the keys on my antique piano I had no idea they were capable of such delicate work."

"I bought a new thesaurus It's nothing to write house about"

"What do the woman from southern California and the clouds over the Pacific coast have in commen? They're both Marine layers"

"What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex can make your whole day, but anal sex makes your hole weak."

"There's no such thing as ""fair trade"" honey. Those bees are gettin' screwed."

"Me: when I grow up I'm going to be an astronaut. 5 year old daughter: you're already grown up. You'll be dead soon."

"My neighbor stopped by to tell me my dogs had been chasing people on bicycles Bull shit, my dogs don't even have bicycles!"

"I bought a book yesterday: ""101 Uses For Binary"". However, when I got home I was very disappointed to find it only contained five."

"My coffee tastes like dirt! What gives? It's fresh ground."