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Joke of the Day

"Shot my first turkey today. Scared the shit out of everyone in the frozen foods section."

"the other day, I got into a car accident. A midget got out of the other car and said ""I'm not happy!"" I said ""Well, than which one are you?"""

"Did you hear about the farmer that fell into the field machine and lost half his body? He's all right now! :-)"

"""How about if I put a balloon over it? Would you touch it then?"" -guy who invented condoms"

"Knock knock... Knock knock. Who's there? r/news. r/news who? [deleted]"

"My Friend Really Changes Once she became a Vegetarian It's like I've never seen herbivore."

"Well, well, well. If it isn't that thing I told my wife I already did."

"A pirate walks into the bar with a steering wheel in his pants... The bartender says ""hey, you know you have a steering wheel in your pants?"" the pirate responds ""ARGH! it drives me nuts!"""

"Have you heard the best dad joke? He was the groom's father. Not part of the joke: Yes I made that up in the shower this morning."

"I've got a major hate-over after Hitler's birthday yesterday... Needless to say, things got a little heated."