13997

Joke of the Day

"Sleeping Beauty taught me that: 1. I'm not the laziest girl in the land 2. If you sleep long enough, strange men break in & do stuff to you."

"Pay attention to all these women that are posting pictures with their mom's on Mother's Day because that is what they are going to look like!"

"How did Harry Potter get down the hill? -Walking. -JK, Rowling"

"Catch 22: I bought a protein shake but am not strong enough to twist the cap off."

"When I was a kid the swear jar at my house was always empty because my sister was a goddamn fucking thief."

"Nothing's deader than the eyes of a Burger King employee who can no longer bring themselves to correct people who order ""McNuggets"" anymore."

"The secret to my amazing vegan burgers is real beef."

"Wizards of the Coast: Wizards of the Coast, and this is where the magic happens."

"According to the principle of the sandwich, if you put butter on both sides the sandwich will hang in the air."

"How's Donald Trump going to get rid of all the Mexicans? Juan by Juan."