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Joke of the Day

"Sleeping Beauty taught me that: 1. I'm not the laziest girl in the land 2. If you sleep long enough, strange men break in & do stuff to you."

"My black friend asked me... My black friend asked me if there was a colored printer in the library I said wtf man it's 2015 you can use whatever printer you want"

"A fat girl just served me at McDonald's earlier. She said, ""Sorry about the wait""... I said, ""Don't worry hun, you'll lose that eventually."""

"Know how I upset my balcony? I couldn't make it to the bathroom."

"""Congratulations on the baby! Childbirth is so beautiful!"" - Someone who has clearly never witnessed the birth of a child."

"I absolutely love Sarah Palin Oh wait nevermind, I actually meant Parah Salin."

"Exaggerations went up by a million percent last year."

"""I Like My Drinks Like I Like My Women"" Cold, Stiff, and been in the cellar for the past few years."

"A donkey had an IQ of 186. He had no friends at all though. Because even in the animal kingdom, nobody likes a smart-ass."

"Tattoo idea: One Jonas Brothers face on each thigh. What? There's three? Okay, and one right in the middle. How do you spell Kevin?"