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Joke of the Day

"My black friend asked me... My black friend asked me if there was a colored printer in the library I said wtf man it's 2015 you can use whatever printer you want"

"He told me I cut my steak like a serial killer, so I whispered ""What makes you think this is steak?"" While I stroked his thigh with a knife."

"What happens if you pass gas in church? You have to sit in your own pew."

"Old classic light bulb. How many people on a beach does it take to screw in a light bulb? depends on how many survivors there are. too soon."

"You know the difference between Sadistic and Masochistic? No one has ever called me a masochistic son of a bitch."

"I would never let MY child act like that. -things my friends without kids say."

"What does a suicide bomber say when he's teaching class? Pay attention! I'm only going to show this once."

"My mother arrives on Friday, so I have to do three months worth of cleaning in 48 hours. Also, lose 30 pounds and live up to my potential."

"Why is there no gang violence on the space station? Because it is a zero G environment."

"My dad is my inspiration ...cause you never know when it's gonna hit you EDIT: missed a word"