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Joke of the Day

"Nothing says rock bottom quite like having your head in the oven for 45 minutes before you realize you forgot to pay the gas bill"

"I thought kegels were like Jewish bagels...boy was I wrong"

"Hi I'm michael cera and this is jackass [blows on his yogurt to make sure it's not to hot]"

"I like my women how I like my steak.... Pink in the middle and not bloody. *I'll see myself out*"

"Tiger is wearing a summery pink top with black trousers during his opening round at The Open. He's so getting laid tonight"

"What do you call an ant who can't play the piano ? Discordant !"

"[At Mall] Good cop: CLEAR A PATH PEOPLE! Bad cop: OFFICIAL POLICE BUSINESS Black Friday cop: *Segways past everyone & gets the last HDTV*"

"In poland stainless steel is a lot cheaper... However it only applies to the version made in their own country, Stainless Steel Polish...."

"My wife always accuses me of having a favourite child. It's not true, I love Matthew and Not-Matthew equally."

"What idiot called it ""CSI: France - Murder in a Bakery"" instead of ""Baguette and Tag It"""