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Joke of the Day

"In poland stainless steel is a lot cheaper... However it only applies to the version made in their own country, Stainless Steel Polish...."

"A gas station had 2 signs in the window, help wanted and self-service. I walked in and hired myself. credit: Steven Wright"

"I have diarrhea and constipation at the same time... basically, I cant shit... A LOT!"

"[NSFW] What's the difference between Harry Potter and Jews? Harry Potter came out of the chamber alive."

"They still won't let me on Shark Tank with my feminine hygiene products with Yo Momma jokes printed on 'em. That shit's racist."

"If I moved to Britain right now, I could retire a wealthy man. My bank account has approximately 6,723 dollars in it, which would convert to like infinite British pounds."

"bank robber: EVERYONE FREEZE! [everyone freezes] bank robber: [recording everyone] nice! this'll be the best mannequin challenge yet"

"I have a life besides Twitter. Like this one time that I take a walk into the woods but then realize there was no wifi & I began to panic."

"A horse is getting brushed by his owner, The horse is like ""You my mane man""."

"When I was little and asked Mom how to spell a word she'd hand me a dictionary so when she asked how to do emojis I handed her a 13-year-old"