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Joke of the Day

"My wife always accuses me of having a favourite child. It's not true, I love Matthew and Not-Matthew equally."

"I call my genitalia the Severance Package... After its seen it usually ends relationships."

"What's the useless skin around the vagina called? The woman."

"It drives me fucking crazy when people post questions on Facebook that could easily be answered with a basic google search."

"Did you hear about my cruel psychic Maths teacher called Moe who's great with a sniper rifle? He's a mean medium, Moe, with range."

"Why did all the native people move out East? Because there is no work out there."

"This drag race is not at all what I expected. Are they in dresses INSIDE of the cars, at least?"

"What do you call a house that changes every month? A Werehouse."

"[infomercial] ME: wanna know how to lose 15 lbs with 1 easy trick?! AUDIENCE: YES! *a surgeon amputates my leg right there on stage*"

"If the fortune has turned her back on you, you can do whatever you want behind her back."