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Joke of the Day

"""Mom, do you have time to play Crazy 8's?"" ""No I'm making dinner, I don't have the time to learn a new game right now."" ""It's not new, it was made in the 1960's"""

"When I'm bored I like to call in sick to places I don't work for. I'm getting written up at Home Depot"

"I asked Sean Connery what game he was going to play with Roger Federer tomorrow and what time he was going to go He replied: ""Tennish"""

"I'm so old, I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign. And before that, we used to play Tic-Tac-Toe on that shit."

"What do you call a skeleton in a closet? The hide and seek champion."

"A Hydrogen atom suddenly exclaimed: ""I think I just lost my electron!"" ""Are you sure?"" Asked its friend, ""Yes"" replied the first, ""I'm positive."""

"Remember, if we get caught, you are deaf and I speak no English."

"Seal loses electron Did you hear about the seal that lost an electron? It's now a seal ion."

"I forgot to bring my bags to the grocery store, people looked at me like I drove there on an aerosol can, then slit a baby seal's throat."

"The Feds say that marijuana has no accepted medical use, overlooking how it could help 20 million unemployed Americans not give a shit."