37824

Joke of the Day

"When I'm bored I like to call in sick to places I don't work for. I'm getting written up at Home Depot"

"My wife tried to apply at the post office but they wouldn't letter. They said only mails work here."

"If you need motivation to workout this evening, Justin Bieber changed his Instagram name to Bizzle. Now go ahead, get out that aggression."

"A swimmer and a shark walk into a dive bar They had a great time. Fin."

"How can you tell when someone is vegan? Don't worry, they'll tell you."

"Did you hear about the boy born without eyelids? The doctors said they could give the boy eyelids made out of his foreskin. The only problem is that he would be a little cockeyed."

"When a guy thinks that older women are more into him than they actually are... Is it an example of the Dunning-Cougar effect?"

"What did the Dog say to the Chipmunk? Woof."

"HAMLET:*Draws sword* How now! a rat?? *stabs curtain* LORD POLONIUS: O, I am slain! This is the w'rst game of hideth and seeketh ev'r *dies*"

"What does Johnny Depp say when cutting down trees? TIMBUUUUUUUURTON"