150901

Joke of the Day

"I forgot to bring my bags to the grocery store, people looked at me like I drove there on an aerosol can, then slit a baby seal's throat."

"I can't handle the pressure of competitions. Even in eating races I choke!"

"How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? Call and tell her about it."

"I rode the bus today..... and saw a girl on the bus wearing a Kappa Alpha Gamma sorority shirt. I went up to her and asked ""Why are you on this bus? Aren't you supposed to be driving around in a car?"""

"Some say to let sleeping dogs lie But I say sleeping dogs should be held accountable for their actions"

"So my buddy thought it'd be a good idea to get an inspirational tattoo on his forehead... Boy, was his face read."

"Had a trip to the Docs I went to the doctors with hearing problems. He said ""Can u describe the symptoms?"" I said ""Homers a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair"""

"When bae starts to age... She turns beige."

"Why do dogs hate outer space? Because they strongly dislike vacuums."

"How does the Moon cut the Sun's hair? He eclipse it."