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Joke of the Day

"A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender ""Do you have any helicopter flavored chips?"" The Bartender says ""No, we only have plane"""

"Wife: How's the baby? Me: He keeps trying to shove socks thru the mail slot. Wife: Aw. His socks or yours? Me: Socks is the neighbor's cat.."

"Why are Rhinoceroses so wrinkly? Because they're hard to iron."

"You have the circle if light, but what do you call the circle of death? A noose."

"I asked my Nan what she wanted for Christmas. ""Something from the Body Shop please,"" she replied..... Hope she's got enough room in the flat for the front wing off a Mondeo."

"Did you hear about the fat chick I fucked on the elevator? It was wrong on so many levels."

"lf you can only be good at one thing, be good at cheating....because if you're good at cheating, you're good at everything."

"Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him."

"Sleeping in could easily be my superpower. If not for my arch-nemesis, having to pee."

"When one squirrel says ""I like to eat nuts"", there is probably always another squirrel who says ""that's what she said."""