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Joke of the Day

"Interviewer: Describe yourself in one word. Me: Hired. Interviewer: (under breath) holy shit can he do that?"

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"What do you call a shooting at a Mexican golf course? A hole in Juan"
"President Chafee"
"Who has two thumbs and looks an awful lot like Alec Baldwin? Alec Baldwin"
"What's the difference between a condom and the space-time continuum? There wasn't a hole in my dad's space-time continuum."
"Who sculpted Mount Rushmore? George Washington Carver."
"According to the 2nd law of thermodynamics, when parents relax, children must increase the amount of disorder in the universe to compensate."
"Why do men sound like they're having an orgasm when they're lifting weights? And why is my father lifting weights in the bathroom?"
"how would u like your steak sir? we've got rare, ultra rare, legendary, fossil, or u can try and catch your own steak in the safari zone"
"That awkward moment when you change your Facebook status to ""single"" and your ex likes it."
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