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Joke of the Day

"I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together... Yep...I shit you knot!"

"A farmer plants a field of dildos. What does he get? Squatters."

"Why is Sia not in her music videos? Because she doesn't want anyone to Sia"

"Why did the walrus go to the tupperware party? He was looking for a tight seal."

"A dyslexic man walks into a bra That's the joke"

"I told my boss I needed a raise to stay at work because there are three different companies showing interest in me... He asked me which companies and I told him, ""The gas, electric, and cable ones"""

"Difference between Ellen Pao and Kim Jong-un. One is tyrannical and ruthless dictator, who destroys each and every opposition and other is supreme leader of North Korea."

"Why can't ISIS members go fuck themselves? Because sex with animals is haram."

"Lawyer: ""Let me give you my honest opinion."" Client: ""No no. I'm paying for professional advice."""

"I sleep with a squirt gun under my pillow just in case a gang of cats break in while I'm sleeping."