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Joke of the Day

"What did the curtain rod say to the blinds? Nice shades. (sorry)"

"A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide."

"What drives the hype train? The hyper drive."

"Did you hear about the crazy Mexican train thief? He has loco motives."

"Why was Hitler a great comedian? Cuz you can't spell slaughter without laughter"

"I never make ""air quotes"" with my fingers when I'm talking, but I do lean to the side & whisper so you sense I'm italicizing."

"The cats told me the reason we only have one life is because we're too stupid to handle nine lives. I believe this is true."

"At the beginning of this year I made a New Year's resolution to lose 10 pounds.... ...Only 15 pounds to go!"

"Researcher: By 2030, life expectancy is predicted to increase globally by 6 years. Southerner: [pouring mac and cheese into deep fryer] No."

"If he doesn't sleep with a life-sized replica of you made of human hair and deli meats, he's not as into you as I am."