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Joke of the Day

"A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide."

"Did you hear about the businessman who is so rich he has two swimming pools one of which is always empty? It's for people who can't swim!"

"Always put your best foot forward. Unless you're wearing Crocs, then neither foot is your best."

"If God had meant for today to be perfect, he wouldn't have invented tomorrow."

"Star Wars 7 is when they all realize that they are just Andy's toys."

"[Bar] ""Two long necks please"" Giraffe in the back: Wow. Did he just- Giraffe's wife: Cliff, he didn't mean anything by it please sit down"

"Cop: you're under arrest Me: no you are *cop arrests me* Me: fine but next time it's my turn"

"What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and an all-girl track team? Pygmies are cunning runts."

"From what I hear about time spent with abortion doctor's they're really not all that bad Many patients have claimed it's really brought the kid out in them."

"What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? They both have the same middle name."