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Joke of the Day

"the neighborhood teens have left so many burning bags of garbage on my lawn that everyone thinks that this is the place you burn garbage now"

"My wife said i was being immature, so i told her to get the fuck out of my fort."

"Young Bobby was being fitted for glasses and his father standing beside him said ""Now remember son. Don't wear them when you're not looking at anything."""

"Why does my 2yo insist on looking homeless when we leave the house?"

"Today I learned... That I'm on the wrong subreddit."

"A C and a C++ walked into a bar... The C spilled his beer all over the C++'s shirt. Outraged, C++ shouted, ""Good god, man! Have you no class?"""

"""Son, I want to let you know that you were adopted. ""What?! Really?!"", I said. ""Yep! Go pack your things and get ready"", my dad said. ""They'll be here to pick you up in twenty minutes."""

"Why did the semen cross the road? Because I wore the wrong socks today"

"Sometimes you check the amount of subscribed people. When you do this, there are 4,111,093,0003.666 ""humorists"". 2/3rds of a person? Really?"

"What's the difference between alcoholism and a lobotomy? I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."