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Joke of the Day

"Why do politicians take laxatives? So that they can speak more fluently!"

"[From Basement]: *scary murdery noise* Me: oh shit Me: *makes slightly more scary more murdery noise* [From Basement]: Oh shit"

"*catcher puts 1 finger down* *pitcher shakes head* *puts 2 fingers down* *nods* (catcher to umpire) ""can we take a break? he has to poop"""

"*toy container falls off ship* *Lego bricks wash ashore on a beach full of barefoot swimmers* *president declares a national emergency*"

"Why are the best accountants twins from Prague? Because they always double Czech their work!"

"What do you call a Poor Stripper? Ugly."

"What's 6.9? A perfectly good 69 ruined by a period"

"I accidentally bought regular Cheerios instead of Honey Nut and now my breakfast tastes like I'm attending a party sober."

"Why did a gun go to the barber? Because it's bangs were getting long!"

"USS Constitution aged Q: What was the USS Constitution's nickname after it started to rust? A: Old Iron Oxides This one just kind of popped into my head at work yesterday."