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Joke of the Day

"A pirate walks into a bar The bartender says ""Hey, you have a steering wheel in your pants."" ""Aye,"" the pirate replies. ""It's drivin' me nuts!"""

"Why do women have legs? Have you seen the mess that snails make?"

"A new girlfriend asked me ""How did you manage to stay single for so long?"" Single Handedly"

"I just realized we cook bacon and bake cookies, get it together English."

"Today, I played God. I saw a bug, suffering. I watched it for a couple of minutes. Then I kept watching, and watching, and watching..."

"Black man kills conservative politician! The final Fox News spin on Osama's death."

"Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it's the only love they get."

"I think the sun shouldn't come up until at least noon on Saturdays."

"Donald Trump announced that he would be turning down the regular Presidential Salary in lieu of a yearly salary of $232 He said ""If 232 is good enough for Hillary, it's good enough for me"""

"[at funeral] ""my phone is vibrating"" want me to create a distraction so you can answer it? ""no, are you craz- *points at casket* HE BLINKED"