33944

Joke of the Day

"I just realized we cook bacon and bake cookies, get it together English."

"What do you call a kid with no arms or legs at the front door? Matt."

"My bank was worried My bank called asking if my credit card had been stolen. They were concerned because it hadn't been used at the liquor store since last friday "

"Hacker 1: She wrote her password recovery questions. H2: So? H1: ""Fav Law of Thermodynamics?"" There's more than one? H2: F this. Who's next?"

"I've been that, done that, had that, lost that, needed that and felt that. Just a few of the many reasons why I always drink to ""that""."

"best Attitude to follow in Life Imagine that you are already dead. This way, whatever u get in life is always a profit for u."

"Did you guys know that turning up the radio fixes almost all your car problems?! Crazy."

"My urge to sing ""The Lion Sleeps Tonight"" is just a whim away a whim away, a whim away, a whim away"

"Gunman: Put ur hands in the air. Now wave them like you just don't care. YOU STILL CARE [shoves gun in guys mouth] SHOW SOME UTTER DISREGARD"

"A grasshopper hops into a bar... The bartender sees him and says ""Hey, we have a drink named after you."" The grasshopper looks up and says, ""You have a drink named Murray?"""