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Joke of the Day

"What's the best part about sex with a 5 year old? Watching them break down on the witness stand."

"Which dog can tell time? A watchdog."

"The worst thing about being in my 40's is that I can't get teenaged girls to sleep with me. It's like being a teenager again."

"What did the Russian athlete say when he was stung by a mosquito during the Summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro? zika blyat"

"What is Mexico's favorite sport? Cross country"

"CUT, CUT!! [Music stops] LOOK IT'S A WESTERN MUSICAL [Rubs temples] YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE COWBOY HAT ON- [Cat runs off] Meow!"

"Roses are Red, Violets are blue... ""Gorilla shot at Cincinnati Zoo."""

"[Jesus opens his fortune cookie] SOMEONE WILL BETRAY YOU ""Uh oh"" YOUR LUCKY NUMBERS ARE 4 2 0 6 9 ""Haha nice!"""

"My dick is so average... It's struggling with student loan debt but doesn't even use it's degree... Or Can handle about 5-6 beers before it's totally useless Or Its like the Toyota corolla of dicks"

"What's the difference between a zombie and a redneck? One is a brainless, dirty, slow moving abomination, and the other is a zombie."