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Joke of the Day

"I got a restraining order from the Costco bagel sample lady."

"If I gave you a penny for your thoughts I'd totally be expecting some change back."

"I also painted my computer black, hoping it would run faster. But the police choked it to death, and ruled it justified."

"I once saw Harry Potter fall down a hill Jk, he was Rowling"

"What did the jihadist do when he forgot to study? He bombed the exam."

"I bet black unicorns have the biggest horns."

"What do you call the accidental nuclear bombing of a furniture plant? Chairnobyl."

"Mood ring Bought my girlfriend a mood ring the other day. When she's in a good mood it turns green. When she's in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on my forehead."

"So a foreign exchange student asks me: ""Is the word ""ee-ther"" or ""eye-ther?"" I told them it was either."

"My teacher told me my drawing was pretty good, I told her I know. My mom always told me I was borderline artistic."