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Joke of the Day

"My mother's star sign was cancer. Ironic how she died, really. She died due to fatal injuries from a giant crab attack."

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"How do you make a German shepherd? Put him in a synagogue."
"TIL that a Russian submarine was accidentally destroyed by a Russian warship that mistook it for an enemy submarine. Oops, wrong sub!"
"Do hipster chicks wear sweatpants that say ""DRY"" on the butt?"
"Arent a donut and a danish the same thing? Well they are both synonym rolls!!"
"With Michael Phelps, Sarah Palin, and Glenn Beck here in Charlotte this week, my status as smartest guy in the room just rose exponentially."
"Economical way of having a family Just rent a partner whenever you need, and buy a second-hand baby."
"My 12 wakes up, showers, changes into another pair of PJ's and starts playing PS4. He has no idea how jealous I am."
"I've fallen into a sar chasm. Totally didn't break my legs! It's a regular party down here!"
"A standard elevator can hold 1700 lbs or 5 Tinder matches..."