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Joke of the Day

"It's called a ""remote"" because those are your odds of finding it when you want to change the channel."

"Honey I Shrunk the Kids IV: They shrink everyone on earth on purpose The planet will never run out of resources Everyone is eaten by ants"

"Guess what? Elephant Butt"

"Consciousness: That annoying time between naps."

"My dad: See, when you said you'd met a ""special someone"" we thought... Me: Go on. My dad: Me: [taking hold of the penguin's flipper] GO ON."

"When the Jews wandered in a desert for four whole decades, surely it went from epic fail to epoch fail"

"Last night I got drunk and lonely, so I tried the peanut butter with my dog trick... ...still tasted like dog cock."

"In April of 1620, it rained. That same year, the Pilgrims arrived. I suppose the saying is true. April showers bring Mayflowers."

"Santa: its snowing Christmas is canceled Put everything in the garbage Elves: no! Rudolph: what if I told you I had a very small red light"

"You know why those automatic sensor sinks save water? Because none of them fucking work"