52926

Joke of the Day

"You know why those automatic sensor sinks save water? Because none of them fucking work"

"Why did the Dino Dance Team fail the Talent Show? They were all Nervous-Rex"

"Art imitates life. Imitation is the highest form of flattery. Flattery will get you nowhere. So GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ART DEGREE!"

"My girlfriend said period jokes aren't funny... So I ended up throwing away 3 pages of jokes i had written about the Victorian era."

"What's that coffee drink with icecream? I used to know it, but... Affogato."

"I posed naked for a magazine today. Although from the reaction I got I think the newsstand owner would have preferred money."

"Why do Arabs wear thawbs? Goats can hear a zipper from a mile away."

"I think it's fun how Hollywood gets to make as many Superman movies as they want until they get it right."

"Saying you like a lot of meat in your taco is received differently on Twitter than it is on Facebook. I know that now."

"Forrest Gump ran for 3 years, 2 months, and 14 days, which is approximately 3 years, 2 months, and 14 days longer than I've ever run."