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Joke of the Day

"So sweet how people try to mask their crippling insecurities with bitchiness instead of alcohol like normal people."

"Guns don't kill people... Husbands that come home early from work do."

"Drugs are never the answer kids. Unless the question is ""why have you been checking under the carpet for lizards for 3 days straight?"""

"BRUTUS: hail Caesar *draws knife* CEASAR: not this time *hands Brutus an Uno ""reverse"" card* B: SHIT ROMAN SENATE:*stabs Brutus to death*"

"What is the most religious medicine? The Deacon gestant"

"When a movie says ""Based on a true story."" it means this is sort of what happened but with way uglier people."

"I lost my new underwear... ...I only wore them briefly."

"What do you do in a master bathroom? Masterbathe."

"Just talking to my neighbor, I said ""your"" instead of ""you're"" AND HE DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE!!! Hahaha what an idiot!!!"

"A scientist and a hooker walk into a bar... But find that they can't open the door due to an over-saturation of priests, rabbis, lawyers, and Irishmen inside."