139018

Joke of the Day

"What did God say after creating man? I must be able to do better than that."

"No officer, Vodka and I were hanging out and this car decided to join us."

"There's a movie coming out about a big rig truck. Have you seen the trailer?"

"I hired a prostitute to indulge my food fetish. She said that for $500 we could spend the night licking food off each other's bodies, although if I wanted guacamole it was $1.80 extra."

"I feel a burst of superiority when I trick a fly into flying out of my car window."

"A guy walks in on his daughter masturbating with a pickle ""Sick!"" he says. ""I was going to eat that. Now it's going to taste like pickle."""

"[robbing Whole Foods] ""All the cash in a bag NOW!"" 100% organic reusable bag ok? ""Yes!"" [puts half the cash] I had to charge for the bag"

"what's the strongest part of a vegetable? the wheel chair."

"Gave my cat some almond milk and now she teaches hot yoga on Thursday nights."

"I don't know why people call Donald Trump inexperienced He used to remove black families from their homes all the time."