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Joke of the Day

"7: Mama, are you lonely when we go to bed? Me: (Handle this like a great mom. Get the look off your face. Don't laugh.) Of course, sweetie."

"What do you call James Bond in the bathtub? Bubble-0-7"

"How did the Endorian get to school every day? Ewok'd."

"Doctor Who was still hungry after dinner.... So he went back four seconds."

"I want to know the backstory of when an eyelash turns evil and says ""That's it. I'm done protecting the eye. I'm going in to destroy it now"""

"I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don't know anything about cars, but I do know how porn starts off"

"What do you call a girl with one leg. Eileen."

"What's the speed limit of sex? 68... any faster and you'll eat it."

"They're dying the Chicago River blue in honor of the Cubs win... It's the first time it will be blue since the French got there."

"I'm having a hard time deciding which pillow I should buy. I'm going to sleep on it."