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Joke of the Day

"I'm having a hard time deciding which pillow I should buy. I'm going to sleep on it."

"Roughly 60% of my childhood was spent trying to do the crane kick after watching Karate Kid."

"What is long and hard for a black guy? Third grade"

"John, you should stay away from drugs - Why Mark? I never take drugs. - I say stay away!! Or the drugs will fall from the table!!"

"Two television sets got married. The wedding was boring, but the reception wasbeautiful."

"congrats to those who made it onto my ""Not A Lizard"" spreadsheet in 2015. to the rest of u, better luck next year and/or die reptilian scum."

"If you cross your fingers after surgery you'll heal faster Or maybe that's just super stichin'"

"How do blind doctors deliver babies? With a can't c-section."

"What's the difference between your girlfriend on her period and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist."

"Faces YOU Make ON The Toilet lol (o_o) (>_<) (0_0) (^_^)"