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Joke of the Day
"""Sweating bullets"" is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets too hot."
Next Joke
"""What if a third team came and attacked these two teams?"" - my daughter, not understanding football/making football more awesome"
"What do you call a chiropractor in Egypt? A cairopractor."
"definately - Used when absolutely certain a guy named Nate is involved."
"When I was a kid, you could go into a corner shop with $1 and come out with 2 cokes, 3 Freedos and a magazine. Nowadays, CCTV everywhere."
"House is a mess ... Walked in the other day and there were 2 people on the couch blindfolded and filming a Fabreeze commercial"
"A guy with a lisp once told me he would kill me in this very spot... He said it was my final deathtination."
"I'm the master at playing 'The floor is lava' *Lies on the couch*"
"What does a bi-sexual porn star do at work? Fuck all"
"Did you hear about the zombie that went vegan? He called his decision a no-brainer"