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Joke of the Day

"What's the last thing someone wants to hear while blowing Willie Nelson? ""I'm not Willie Nelson."""

"What did the lightning bolt say to the old oak tree? -Hang onto your bark this will be no ordinary spark"

"Coca Cola: Because drinking black water seems like a solid life choice."

"Me: ""What's wrong?"" Wife: ""Nothing's wrong."" [Sighs heavily. Rolls eyes. Clenches jaw. Bursts into flame.] Me: ""I think something's wrong."""

"So my proctologist has OCD... I went in for an exam. He was very anal."

"Went on a trampoline with my 1 year old and learned that if you jump JUST right it unfortunately turns into a baby catapult."

"Why couldn't the bike stand on its own? It was two tired"

"Why isn't Hitler in Mario Kart? Because he cant finish a race"

"why do you put a baby in a blender feet first? So you can cum on its face"

"We are gathered here today because SOMEBODY *glares at coffin* couldn't stay alive."