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Joke of the Day

"I fell on my arm and had to have an operation on my funny bone. I was in stitches for two weeks."

"""anything new with you?"" not really ""any cool projects at work? nope ""meeting with friends?"" no ""seeing anybody?"" why are you doing this?"

"A fish's Google search history: - do fish have short term memory? - do fish have short term memory? - do fish have short term memory?"

"[my first day as a financial investor] ""I'm going all in on this Acme Corporation. Anybody want a piece?"""

"I'm not saying I've had a lot to drink, but my foot just fell asleep so I drew dicks on it."

"What do you get when you divide (Sin B) by (Tan B)? You get roofies, cuffs and a sore butthole"

"What do you call a group of hot moms in space? THE MILFY WAY!"

"Why shouldn't you date a tennis player? Because love means nothing to them."

"Does anyone get the urge to tweet something really bad just to see if the government is really paying attention to you?"

"If we had a break up letter there for every gender there was... We'd have ""Dear John"", ""Dear Jane"", and ""Dear Xir, Ruler of Omicron Percei 8"""