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Joke of the Day

"The key to being smart is not talking about shit you don't know about. You should try it. Like immediately."

Next Joke
 
"waiter: ""what drink would you like"" me: "" l "" waiter: me: waiter: me: waiter: me: waiter: ""is pepsi okay"""
"A duck walks into a drug store, He goes and puts lip stick on the check out counter. The cashier asks, ""will this be cash or check?"" The duck says, ""neither; just put it on my bill."""
"[creepy mansion] ME: That portrait is watching us MAN: No way ME: [goes right up to portrait] I'm vegan PORTRAIT: [rolls eyes] ME: I knew it"
"I made a fortune selling HIV testing kits to Africa In reality, it's just a bunch of lollipop sticks with ""Yes"" written on the side of them."
"Me: How was your first day of school? 5-year-old: Long. Me: I'm sure tomorrow will be better. 5-year-old: Wait, I have to go back?"
"NO I DON'T KNOW WHAT SIDE DISH I'M BRINGING BUT I'M ANNOYED SO IT WILL BE SOMETHING MASHED"
"Have any brief jokes I can snapchat a girl that I like?"
"Home made honey mustard ! I have a beehive full of bees trained to eat mustard ... and that is what comes out !"
"What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it!"