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Joke of the Day

"A duck walks into a drug store, He goes and puts lip stick on the check out counter. The cashier asks, ""will this be cash or check?"" The duck says, ""neither; just put it on my bill."""

Next Joke
 
"""Tired"" isn't even a temporary state for me anymore it's more like a part of my personality at this point."
"There are 11 types of people in this world.. a) those that understand Roman numerals. b) those that don't understand Roman numerals."
"For Valentine's Day my GF upped my life insurance policy. Unrelated, anyone know why there's a ticking sound coming from underneath my car?"
"eer booze and fun!' 'A seal walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender asks the seal ""What's your pleasure?"" The seal replies ""Anything but Canadian Club."""
"The apocalypse is apparently signaled by trumpets... ...might have been a typo though, it could have been Trump/Pence"
"Whenever I see a whirlpool, I scream, ""Help! That tornado can't swim!"""
"I can tell everything I need to know about a person by how they cut their sandwich. Diagonal = normal Straight = serial killer No cut = dad"
"Therapist: *pulls up in a brand new Mercedes* Me: You're welcome"
"I don't hate you, I'm just not necessarily excited about your existence."