138068

Joke of the Day

"I was in the pharmacy today... A man approached me offering either a blue pill or a red pill. I didn't know staying in false reality gave you a 24 hour erection."

"[pours a bag of sugar over a tire fire] hmmm [tastes remnants] i think i'll call it... Twizzlers"

"How do you make a Jewish omelette First off all Borrow 6 eggs."

"Did you hear about that guy that broke his left arm and left leg? I heard he's all right now."

"Ordinary things that become AMAZING once you're a parent: -showers -sitting down to eat -drinking coffee while it's hot -pooping"

"Why do elephants paint their testicles red? To hide in cherry trees. Ever seen one? No? It works. What's the loudest sound in the forest? Giraffes eating cherries."

"dollar store pregnancy test instructions say to pee on the stick then wait 9 months"

"Why doesn't Switzerland make good cars? You can only put them in neutral. edit:pronouns"

"What do you call an EDM party full of serial killers at the bottom of the ocean? Deep-rave."

"How do we get rid of Ebola? Put all the infected on a Malaysian Airplane"