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Joke of the Day

"Whats the only fruit that can't run away to get married?? A Cantaloupe."

"I've been texting random numbers ""hey are we taking salvia before or after church?"""

"I used to date a girl with cataracts Things were going great until one day she stopped seeing me."

"What do you call your grandma on speed dial? Instragram!"

"Everyone has a special talent, I like to think mine is ruining people's day."

"Michael Bay looks like if cocaine was a person."

"Why do people still buy bottle openers? I just don't see the reason for purchasing a bottle opener. I've been using my seat belt for years!"

"PRIEST: In the beginning there was the word ME: capsicum P: no M: tumescent gerund caliphate P: stop trying to guess the word M: maelstrom"

"My dad was cutting up Onions and I started crying. Onions was a great dog."

"An entire generation does not know what the hell is happening when a movie pans over to a wall calendar and the pages magically fly away."