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Joke of the Day

"Before I had a kid I thought, god, I wish I could say ""please put your shoes on"" 17,000 times every morning. My dreams have come true."

Next Joke
 
"I'm into perpendicular lines. I'm a bisectual"
"I wonder how long the first person to deliver twins waited before they realized that was the last one"
"What is the Puerto Rican national anthem? Partly in the USA"
"I usually don't pay for sex... ...but sometimes I like to splurge."
"What is a mountain climber's favorite drink? Anything on the rocks."
"What's the difference between Reese and Tyrese? Reese was born Witherspoon but Tyrese stole his."
"Sailors really want to be cool. But they're just naut."
"White ppl be like ""What's the return policy on this umbrella?"""
"[Opens a beer at the park] ""Dude. There's kids here."" Oh shit how rude of me. [turns] IF YOU KIDS WANT SOME BEERS THEYRE IN THE COOLER"
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