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Joke of the Day

"White ppl be like ""What's the return policy on this umbrella?"""

"Descartes walks into a bar... The bartender asks, ""can I get you a drink"" to which Descartes replies, ""I think not"" and *poof* Descartes disappears."

"[talking to bouncer] Me:let me in Bouncer: not after last time Me:would a Washington convince you? Bouncer: no George Washington: c'mon man"

"Yes, my teeth are dazzling, but, please, treat me no differently than you would the next demigod."

"What do you call a black and white spotted cow? A moo-latto!!"

"John Wilkes Booth is one of history's greatest stand-up comedians I heard he really killed at Ford's Theatre."

"So, have you guys seen the headlines about 'Jesus might have had a wife'? I don't know why they're still speculating. After all, it's pretty clear that *someone* was nailing him."

"I only believe 12.5% of the Bible... which means that I'm an eightheist"

"If I were a farmer, how would I measure my height? From my head, tomatoes. Hope no one has heard this before, thought of it while driving."

"I left my job today. I couldn't work for that man anymore after what he said to me... ""You're fired!"""