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Joke of the Day
"Why can't you play UNO with Mexicans? They'll steal all of the green cards."
Next Joke
"My friend told me a bad joke he got from the internet... I asked him where he reddit."
"Love means never having to say you're sorry until you've thought up a good excuse."
"19: Help me think of a tweet. Me: I'm sorry for the never-ending selfies, duck lip poses, & whining about how hard my life is. 19: Maaaaa!"
"Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? It was a while ago... but I heard he's al right now"
"Girl is asked by her teacher in class to use handsome in a sentence. (She pauses to think) Girl: Sometimes when I'm giving my bf a blowjob, my mouth gets tired... so then I use my *handsome*."
"Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania? Because all his other wives support Hilary"
"[all the dairy products r hanging out] Milk: lets go drink Cheese: yea Yogurt: yea Whipped cream: my gf says i cant. its scrapbooking night"
"The funniest thing about being sober is to realize you were so drunk last night you were tweeting all night with a calculator."
"People named Thomas, your nickname isn't ""Thom"" it's Tom. ""Thom"" thounds sthupid and prethenthiuos."