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Joke of the Day

"[all the dairy products r hanging out] Milk: lets go drink Cheese: yea Yogurt: yea Whipped cream: my gf says i cant. its scrapbooking night"

"Why was the lesbian mermaid fired from the bakery? She was eating all the muff-fins."

"If you make fun of your significant other's love of Hunger Games are you.... Mockin'Bae"

"E-thugs. Because talking shit in person is dangerous."

"Dominos just called to let me know my pizza's on the way. They correctly assumed I'd need time to find my pants."

"My mom's late for everything, and it irritates the hell out of me. For example, last week she drove me to an abortion clinic."

"Why don't Baptist preachers color their hair? They just pray the gray away"

"what does a Nazi turkey say? ""Goebbles Goesbbles"""

"[cool person follows me] me: ok I gotta bring my A game now it's only good tweets from here me 5 mins later: horses r just big dogs ?"

"A man and a boy are walking through the woods.. The boy turns to the man and says, ""these woods sure are scary."" The man turns to him and says, ""you're telling me, I have to walk back alone."""