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Joke of the Day

"19: Help me think of a tweet. Me: I'm sorry for the never-ending selfies, duck lip poses, & whining about how hard my life is. 19: Maaaaa!"

"jokes about depression used to be funny.... now they're just sad."

"""I have something I'd like to get off my chest."" - Guy with three nipples"

"The bravest thing you can do is change & the weakest is to settle for comfort. But, seriously, that remote is really far from the couch."

"Today I got bored and went to a seafood restaurant... [OC- would like opinions] Just for the halibut."

"""If you break up with me, I will beach myself."" -dramatic whale"

"Tonight I was Attacked by 4-5 Terrorists . They were in Car with full loaded Guns. But thanks god I wake up."

"The other day me and my transgender mate Dave saw a bundle of mosquitoes eating several trout..... Dave asked - ""How did they get them ?"" I said - "" fly fishing"" and yes he is transgender."

"What's the cheapest kind of meat. Deer balls, they're under a buck."

"WAITER: Room for dessert? [flashback to the room at home that hides all my desserts] ME: [nervous laugh] Haha I don't have one of those."