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Joke of the Day

"Me: Mozart was a great composer, but now that he's dead he's a great Wife: I swear to God I'll divorce you Me: *through tears* Decomposer."

"Q: What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding? A: Bach in the saddle again."

"My Grandfather has the heart of a lion. And a lifetime ban from the zoo."

"Why do Italians only eat Italian bread? It's ciabatta buy than English Bread."

"How many more times are my kids going to ask me if I know where something is before they realize they're asking the wrong parent?"

"Donald Trump is like a Halloween pumpkin... Orange, full of slime, evil grin, and thrown out in early November."

"What do you call communist memorabilia? Trotsky's."

"Hey cat, how's about I lick myself for hours then puke where you sleep? Don't answer that. Why do I even talk to you. Stop looking at me."

"My phone died, so I was forced to ""print"" a physical copy of my boarding pass, just like The Wright Brothers used to in the olden days"

"[Fear Factor] HOST: and the first contestant to touch the puppy in front of them will be sent home *camera pans to me already holding puppy*"