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Joke of the Day

"""I bought a new car!"" Whoa that's a lemon, how much did you pay? ""Only $3,200"" Dude it's literally a piece of fruit ""Damn....not again"""

"Father: I want to take my girl our of this terrible math class. Teacher: But she's top of the class. Father: That's why I think it must be a terrible class."

"What do you call a woman that tries to force you into commitment? A booby trap"

"How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do? All of them."

"I have a hard time telling people when something is displeasing to me... I might be dys-like-sic."

"Sneak into the employee bathroom at Target and make some violent alien noises, maybe leave a jellyfish in the toilet"

"Marvin Gaye's Last Day on Earth Marvin (holding present): Happy Birthday Dad!!! Dad: Marvin, if this is another tie, I'm gonna kill you."

"Drunk people are the only honest ones left."

"Don't worry if a fat guy comes to kidnap you... I told Santa all I want for Christmas is you."

"Girls use lotion for hands Boys use lotion for skin."