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Joke of the Day

"ATM A man asks a trainer in the gym: ""I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?"" Trainer replies: ""Use the ATM"""

"I use profanity freely because it doesn't seem right to charge you (ya cunt!)"

"I wonder how Beaker from the Muppets came to work at Dr. Bunsen Honeydew's laboratory. Is he just there as a college intern, or is he a graduated beaker?"

"What is the difference between a PhD in mathematics and a large pizza? The pizza can feed a family of four"

"Eye of the Tiger came on the radio and I got so excited the macaroni salad I was making is all over the walls and the cat has a black eye."

"Quit embarrassing me in front of my friends, iPod shuffle."

"Why did the watermelon and the honeydew decide to cancel their spontaneous wedding in Las Vegas? They realized with a family like theirs, they really Cantaloupe."

"Me: *takes her shirt off & sees a padded bra* whoa Her: I'm so sorry, are you upset? M: *pulls a salami out of my shorts* let's call it even"

"What is a cancer patients favorite bingo number? B9"

"What do you call Star Wars Spoilers? *Wookie*Leaks."